at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
