He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize