so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
