not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
