oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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