I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize