i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
