Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
