dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
