i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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