she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize