This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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