were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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