My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
