She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
