I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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