where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
