Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
