i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
