My nipple is on Facebook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
