Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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