How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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