Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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