This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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