idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
