well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had to cum in my sink.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
