I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
