i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
