So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
