Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is the high leading the old right now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
