My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
