Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
