We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
