i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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