She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
