worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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