The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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