just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
