Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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