Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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