the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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