Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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