I can tuck mytits in my pants
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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