I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
