Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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