Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
