Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
