good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just forgot I was standing up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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