I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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