Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
