sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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