at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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