I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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