thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
