Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
