I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
