She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
