you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
