I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
