i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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