I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
