I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize