so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
