Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
