I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
