i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
