why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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