he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
do herpes really smell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
