Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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