Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
