She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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