Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
