They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
