Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
