I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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