The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
