she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
