I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
