The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
