Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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