the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
