I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
